End of another stressful but great day. I feel so unaccomplished today probably because I was under scrutinizing eyes earlier. I was so conscious and uneasy because I needed to show that I'm busy where the truth of the matter is I am really busy. But it seems every person who visited us does not acknowledge the reality that we are understaff.
It just seems weird trying to justify your work load to every one who visits the office when I feel terribly exhausted after each day of work. Probably they are right, I may not be working smart. But what is really working smart? Is it delegating your work when you need to? But to whom shall I delegate it to? The empty chair beside me? Probably there is another entity there who is sitting and wanting terribly to assist me, but hey it can’t help me because it just cannot physically touch files.
Then there are the endless questions of the why’s, why didn’t you do this, why do you need to be here then, why, why, why? Then I just asked the same why question, why the hell am I here again? But I know the answer to my own question. I am here because I decided to challenge myself, get out of my comfort zone and explore other possibilities in my life. I don’t want be stuck in a life wondering about if I had done this or that. I have decided to move forward…
So while writing this and reflecting on this day’s event, I just thought that I’ll take the challenge, to push myself more, to do more and achieve more. Very well, if that is the case then so be it. I will not bother justifying my worth to others. I will take that challenge and improve myself, to make myself better. If it is still not the best for them, so be it. At least I was honest to myself that I gave it all.
Josh / 14-Apr-10