Friday, July 23, 2010

After Life

I watched the movie After Life and it just made me think about my life, about death, the choices I made and have not made.

What if there is really nothing after life? What if the life we have now is both heaven and hell, depending on the choices we make, depending on how we live our lives. That we need to make this life we have now worthwhile because there is nothing after we have passed this world.

What if today is the last day in this world? How did you live, how have you lived those years of life?

What if you only just have that few moments to think about your life before you are completely gone in this world? Will you have so many regrets, for words not said, for things not done? Or will you be able to peacefully close your eyes knowing that you have lived the life you wanted, to live it with happiness, to have explored everything Life has offered you?

I had my struggles and still have them. I cannot never live without it, it will always be a part of my life. It sometimes gets exhausting to live life with complications. It wears out my soul and breaks my spirit at most times. But it also builds my character and makes me a stronger person.

Few years back, I got tired of living the same situation. In the movie, Anna is already dead when she was expressing all her regrets in life. Like the character of Anna who had full of regrets, I was at a point in my breathing life I was living a regretful chapter for wrong decisions made, for choices I was so afraid to explore. I had the same sentiments as Anna, waking up, going to work, doing my work, going home then falling into sleep. Then having the same routine again the following day. It was not a miserable life, but there is just something that I needed to do and I was so afraid to explore it then.

When the opportunity presented itself, I took it. I left my country to work overseas. I still have the same situation with work, but now it is much different. I was learning more about myself here. I miss my country and my family but I am glad I left. This is something that I really wanted to do and so now I am here.

I made a ten year plan of my life. I started it when I turned 30 which was 2 years ago. I was able to accomplish 2 of my goals and 2 are still under process. But now after a few months of living in this country, my perspective has changed. So now I am reassessing my goals and plans for the next 8 years of my life.

But in case today will be the last day of my simple life (which I pray, God will still let me live to see my grandchildren), I would be glad to say that I can close my eyes peacefully even with the thought that there would be nothing beyond this life.

It was not a perfect life, but I did experience some perfect moments. I had made peace with my God (though I belong to a religious group, I still believe that the path of spirituality is a journey experienced by the person at his/her own pace and time), I have experienced life and made bolder choices. I have accepted my painful past, I have forgiven myself for mistakes I have committed and the hurt done to friends I love (but if I have a Hot Tub Time Machine, I would go back and alter it). I have loved and was loved in return, I have made my parents happy, I have met new people in my life and rekindled old friendships, I have learned to focus on improving myself more rather than try to improve others. It was not extravagant but I have lived a good and interesting life.
If given another day, then I will again try to challenge myself, improve on my weaknesses and create better relationships with the people around me. We only pass by this world once, so I guess it is much better to make it worthwhile.


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